Girly Roadtrip

After one of my bestest friends wasn't able to come to Molly's Christening we decided that I would come down with the girls to the seaside to cheer her up all the way to Bridport.

So Friday morning Sophie woke me at 530am very excited about our trip to the seaside so much so that at 7am she was dressed and raring to go, only problem being she was in swimming costume sun hat wellies and sunglasses, she had even put on suntan lotion so she didn't get burnt.  We weren't going to leave until she had finished school but as she point blank refused to get changed I thought we would leave earlier and save any bad starts to our little trip. 


The journey was about 3 hours and I was hoping they would both sleep and we could avoid any unscheduled stops on the way and Id got nearly 2/3 of the way before the baby started to protest as she was hungry but typically this was when we got stuck in the only bit of traffic and where there was no laybys to stop in so my only weapon against the screaming was to play the soig by GOTYE over and over and over to calm the screaming, which it did luckily.

When we arrived we were warmly greeted by my friend and when she went to get Sophie out the car was surprised to see her in just a swimming costume and Sophie's demands of being taken to the sea meant we unpacked then all scrambled back into the car and went to the beach to keep her happy.  Was lovely and we met my friends boyfriend and his kids down there and Sophie was in her element playing.

The Saturday the sun came out in full force and we again spent the day at the beach, seeing the kids play in the shingle and waves reminded me how little children actually need in monetary terms to keep them happy, the big toys the expensive days out don't make any difference to them at this age they were happy playing on a beach with an ice cream as a reward at the end of the day. Although the sun was out it was still windy and a bit of a chill so we kinda forgot that we would still catch the sun and once back at the house we noticed that indeed i looked rather red in the face oooppps.

Saturday i managed to sneak out for a quick drink with my friend at the pub whilst her boyfriend watched the girls when they were asleep  and it was lovely and something we haven't done for such a long time just a shame it wasn't for longer but next time.

Sunday we had bacon sarnies and a wonder round the shops ending up in the pub for lunch before we scooted off home.
Eldest must have been shattered as she slept for the whole was home and baby for the majority of the way and when she woke there wasn't any crying just happy babbling which i could listen to all day long.

I realised that although bloody knackering dealing with the kids all alone it wasn't as scary as the thought first was travelling alone with the girls, id even go as far as to say id do it again!

Conveyor belt guilt

Am I alone in the conveyor belt guilt at the supermarket or actually when buying anything wondering what the shop assistants make of my purchases? I've previously worked in retail and I never batted an eye lid at purchases but they were shoes and handbags and you can't really go wrong there.

My last bout of guilt was this morning on my shopping trip where I'm stocking up on random bits and bobs before I go away this weekend. As we're going away I thought its going to be a lot easier to get baby some babyfood rather than worrying I'm somewhere to heat cool etc at the right times for her so easy peasy I got pouches. I wanted to grab the old lady's hand putting them through the checkout and say these are for a weekend away I would obviously normally cook from fresh. The same way when buying dummies I want to shout its just for naps don't worry she won't be wondering about with them at the age of 5 and formula buying makes me want to offer my nursing bra up and say hey I've done my six months I want my boobs back is this ok. An I alone in this guilt. I never knew this guilt before kids they've got a hell of a lot to answer for little blighters

Breastfeeding

Ive been incredibly lucky with both my girls that breastfeeding has been a relatively easy thing.  Once we got through the 6 week pain barrier with Sophie my eldest it was a breeze, and with Molly we never had that awful 6 weeks it just once established seemed like she had been doing it for ages.

Now I'm not one of those hardcore you should breastfeed mums, I tried it and it worked for me had it not worked I wouldn't have hesitated switching to formula because as far as I am concerned as long as baby is being fed and mum is happy then that is all that matters full stop.  I was lucky I haven't had mastitis and cracked nipples or any of the nasty side effects that can occur due to breastfeeding so Ive fed both girls to at least 6 months. 

Ive now reached this point with Molly she will be 6 months on Monday and for a few days now shes been having formula at bedtime and happily chugging away on the bottle.  I should be grateful its not been a fight to get her to take the bottle like we had for the eldest and that when I go back to work I will be safe in the knowledge that hubby can give her a full bottle of milk at bedtime whilst I'm working and she can go to sleep with a full tummy but.....it makes me a little bit sad still how shes switched so easily from me to the bottle without so much as a thanks mum Ill miss your boob.

And as I slowly stop altogether Ill miss that little hand under my arm playing about tickling me and the other one holding onto my fingers as I feed her, Ill miss seeing her milky moustache thinking that's all me, Ill miss the comfort that only I can give her but.. I know that I've grown her all from a little seedling in my tummy then from my milk until shes got to be a massive baby elephant and that all the goodness she needs from me she got. But my goodness how I wont miss those god damn awful feeding bras and the non cleavage and support they don't give you and wont for much longer have to worry about what top I'm wearing when I'm going out and will it be discrete enough.

So roll on the shopping for new underwear but boo to the end of a wonderful experience

I dont want to grow up!

Driving to my nans today I had my iPhone plugged into the stereo. I had both girls in the back of the car and we were merrily pootiling along. Untill that little voice pipes up
Turn the music down mummy
No I said
But mummy it hurts my ears it's too loud
Begrudgingly I turn it down

Hold on isn't this a conversation I'm going to be having with her soon enough.

I want her to stay at 3 I don't want her to grow up and more importantly I dont want to grow up.

I want to still be able to go clubbing without the oh mum please dont go out like that I want to be able to play loud music in the car and not be told the music is for old people and it's too loud. I like radio one I don't want to listen to radio two I don't want them to think that garage, prodidgy, Lilly Allen and lady gaga are retro music.
I don't want to be asked what it was like the first time round or what the first mobiles were like.

I'm just getting over turning 30 I want to be young and I don't want my babies to grow up either.

I brought the wrong cereal bar

Why is it some days whatever you do as a parent it's just not enough for some children. Baby's happy aslong as my boob is full of milk. Eldest however is having a bad day which in turn makes me not like her very much. Are we allowed to say that. I love her with all my heart and would die for her but sometimes I don't like her.

This morning I was being mean by wanting to sleep untill 7am. This isn't a new thing we grow clock has always been set to 7am and she knows to stay in her room. This morning however mean mummy made her stay in her room for 40 mins.

She the chirped up a bit because I let her wear her summer dress to nursery so all smiles and hugs until I needed to go to the post box before school which she didn't want to do so back to grumpy child.

After school I brought the wrong cereal bar and no drink and all hell broke loose. Whining silly put on crying all the way home thank god I live close to the school or I'd have lost it I think. Now babys going down for a nap and I can hear her happily playing but dread going downstairs as I'm sure it will start it all off again when I ask the question of what shall we have for dinner. Roll on 4.15 when hubby returns and roll on 7pm some much needed adult conversation over dinner with mates.

And breathe ...

All the things I said id never do!!

Whilst on twitter earlier today I saw a conversation by some mummy and daddy types that made me think about the things I always said Id never do when I had kids and that I now do....

I think its very easy when your childless to make judgements of Id never let my child do that but a few years on many sleepless nights and tantrums later its anything for an easy life most of the time.

My list was

Fruit shoots - bottles of sugar, never my children will just drink water of course. Now it keeps her quiet she likes the taste and once in a while doesn't hurt as a treat, she certainly doesn't have them all the time but when we go for chips and nuggets, which is another thing...
McDonald's - no way are they having happy meals no way no way, well ok then were in a rush I forgot to get anything out the freezer and the pastas run out and were on the way to nannies so ok then yeah fruit shoot might as well chuck that into the mix too.
Frozen food - I've got my Annabel karmel books I'm armed with pots and pans so there will always be a good homemade meal on the table, except for those days when I cant be arsed to make from scratch and I know she'll eat all the chicken Kiev's and chips or fish fingers or pie that goes on the plates and seconds instead of turning away my slaved over dish of something homemade
DVDs and telly - well 30 mins a day of strictly controlled viewing wont hurt, obviously these rules were made before I realised how tired Id be after working until 1am getting up with children through the night and then up for the day at 6am when I actually put CBeebbies or milkshake on for a sneaky extra hour of much needed sleep or the dvd to lull her off for the naps that she wont take any other way.  Now I dread a day without the telly at some point but I could leave baby Jake out annoying little.....
Dummies- my kids wont have dummies uggghhhh how common, one whiny baby who is using mummy to suck my god did I love the dummy my friend lent me to try unfortunately eldest didn't take to it but from the start youngest was given one and shes not the best at it but I don't have much trouble with her. I think my problem was the 4 year olds with them in their gob still walking about which wont happen.
Formula milk - I was determined to breast feed and luckily Ive been able to do this with both girls but wasn't going to have formula milk ever- not sure what I thought would happen once Id gone back to work, well she went onto formula and she didn't combust or anything as they'd probably have you believe and baby will be put onto formula when the time comes.
Clark's shoes - as a former employee of nearly 10 years I was adamant she would have fitted shoes but they are expensive and not high on the cute factor needless to say a few other cute shoes have made their way into the home

I'm sure this list could go on and on...suppose moral of the story is never judge until your shattered and harassed mummy and we all do what we have to to get through the day!

time to be a brave girl

As a mum Ive come to learn that its a bit like my job, never the same day twice.  This is what I love about my job and cant wait to see what the evening will hold for me when I set foot through the door at 5pm.  Sometimes as a mum this can be fun also but mainly I like the routine of our normal day and I actually think the girls like it too. The baby certainly does and I think shes thriving on the routine we have knowing what comes next and shes certainly a lot more laid back than Sophie was at this age.  Maybe its the inner child in me that likes to know whats coming next and like the security of familiar surroundings and occasions.

So with my eldest starting nursery it was inevitable Id have to be a grown up mummy soon enough. the time has come as she came home the other day with a party invite in her book bag. Id love to ignore it much like Ive ignored plenty of invites in the past if it was out of my comfort zone and not done things because I'm wary of new situations but I'm getting braver as I get older and the girls certainly help with that too. Sophie was at playgroup for a year and I hardly spoke to any of those mums and didn't go to one of the parties she was invited to as I just struggled with standing around like a spare part not knowing anyone out of my comfort zone thus meaning Sophie misses out just because of my shyness. Ive made an effort now shes at nursery and speak to a few mums in the playground and am trying to make more of an effort with this shyness. Luckily Sophie's not shy anything but and this I'm grateful for, so time to take a leaf out of my daughters book and take her to this party and be a big brave girl. 

 Maybe I'll get a sticker for being a brave girl??

Growth spurts and weaning

So I think we have reached the point of weaning.  I really wanted to wait for the 6 month mark even signed us up to a food study in which we were placed into the group that waited 6 months before weaning but after a week now of feeding 2-3 hours all the time i think its time. At first I was thinking we had reached the 4 month growth spurt and maybe we have but after a whole week of such regular feeding I think its passed and Molly is just hungry and possibly the emptying of both breasts and still getting cross with me as she still seems hungry is a sign, although my supplys increased over the week with another child I cant continue this feeding at such short intervals for another 2 months.

As Molly is my last planned baby I wanted to enjoy all the babyness for as long as i could. Sophie had rushed me along every stage, I always said she was an old soul who had been here before and knew what she wanted never happy until she was onto the next stage. So Molly was going to be my baby for as long as I could manage and the first thing being weaning, i wanted 6 months just breast milk but feeding so often is physically exhausting me.  The first sign being going out for a much needed night out and going home to bed by 10pm due to a migraine. I only get these when I'm exhausted and starts with tunnel vision onto full blown migraine. Its wiped me out all weekend and could have slept and slept but being a mum of two I carried on best I could and a few early nights I will be back to an acceptable level of tiredness soon enough.

Anyway weaning, what first?

baby rice, pureed fruit and veg. suppose time to get the books out again, buy all the random fruit and veg and prepare the feeding area.....as much as I wanted to wait still looking forward to cooking and experimenting with foods and redecorating the carpet and walls (hope the landlord doesn't mind)

let the fun begin.

the Holy Grail of sleep

Last night we acheived as close to the holy grail of sleeping through as can be expected with a 4 month old but its not her thats the problem.

Sophie 3 1/2 slept through untill 614am and then as her gro-clock showed the stars still she stayed put untill 7am when she came to me so excited she has waited for the right amount of time and slept all night. 


Molly also went to bed at 6.30pm woke up at 1.30am and 430am sleeping untill 7am when her sister woke her up otherwise she would have slept longer no doubt.


Blissful nights sleep and much needed after a rough few nights plauged with ill girlies.

This is good because we have always struggled with sleep for Sophie, I assumed when pregnant with her she would sleep through by the time I returned to work at 6 months that all would be well, it was going to be easy right?? Wrong

We never allowed sophie to fall asleep by herself and resorted to rocking, walking, singing, even rocking on the office chair while listening to Phil Collins to get her to sleep. Then when she was asleep she would sleep on me or as she got older I could transfer her once in a deep sleep to the sofa.  It ruled my life naps and sleep, I was walking around in a sleep deprived haze, it was such a shock no sleep and even though I did night shifts at work and could stay awake all night I was used to sleeping afterwards instead of day after day of no sleep. I looked at different methods of getting her to sleep but never really wanted to put the effort in I wanted the magic cure that didnt exist. Once she was about 2 years she dropped all naps and then bedtime became the issue.  We then used the super nanny technique of leaving the room and returning her to bed and got bedtime sorted out, but it still didnt solve the issue we had created early on of her coming into our bed.  She slept as soon as she was in our bed but as she became bigger she would take up more and more space and we began to be covered in bruises from the regular kicks we got from her in her sleep, but it was sleep and we were getting used to it so put up with it.

As soon as I found out I was pregnant with Molly we knew we had to tackle the problem and we had to robustly deal with her sleep and soon found she went to bed well, stayed out of our bed but would still be getting up in the night for cuddles and at its worst she would be up 20 plus times a night.  We were so tired we would get into her bed and she got attention at night and had no reason to sleep through she got lovely cuddles from mummy and daddy and no amount of stickers or rewards enticed her to be consistant with sleeping through and when she went to stay at my mums or sisters she would resort to type and go into their beds for the night.

So with molly we were detirmined to do this differently and after reading all these books i knew we had to let her fall asleep without our intervention to create from the start good sleep habits. So at the first yawn Molly is put down for a nap with a dummy and not on us shes in her cot or bouncer or pram. We dont have half the issues with Molly we had with Sophie at this age except at her worst with this virus she has and thats not even that bad! Sophies at school in the afternoons now and this is physically tiring her out and aided her sleep big time shes shattered come 7pm and straight to sleep.

So now when I get the question is she sleeping though yet I can say Sophie yes shes nearly there ....oh you mean the baby.............well

1am ramble about Mollys ongoing virus saga

When Molly was born she was so big she got stuck coming out. Apart from ripping me (tmi?) I was told as she was purple she would be very congested and to prop her on her side whilst in hospitsl as she would vomit up mucas to get it out which she did. For a few weeks she did sound really nasaly but it didn't bother her much so we got on with our new baby.

At two weeks old I decided to take Molly to see a cranial osteopath as
I had taken Sophie when she was a baby as she struggled to settle and only seemed to look one way after forceps and the sessions worked well for her. as we'd struggled with Sophie sleeping I wanted Molly checking over mainly to put my mind at rest and to avoid any possible sleep issues as 3 yrs. no sleep wasn't something I wanted to repeat again but that's another ramble. The sessions worked on her sinuses and we had some epic mucas vomit moments but other than that she seemed to be well slept great fed well.

At Christmas Sophie who had been coughing and snotty since Molly had been born seemed to kindly share the germs with Molly. A few days of a cold Molly appeared to get better as did Sophie and all was well.

9 weeks old so 1st week of jan and Molly goes for her first lot of jabs and she then gets the bronchiolitis virus which we've had ever since. She has coughed to the point of choking and when she stops breathing even for a split second it scares me. She had been wheezing like a 40 a day smoker and by week 3 of virus I go to drs. She's happy enough and were using steam, menthol plug ins viks on chest and feet, propped up mattress nasal drops spending a small bloody fortune in boots. Dr checks her and not able to get a good oxygen reading sends us to A&E. Dr there checks her over confirms virus and basically tells me nothing they can do and go home. After 2 more weeks no improvement we go back to drs just to check as now she's covered in ezceama and I think because her body is stressed with all the illness. Dr sends me away again as Molly is happy in herself still gaining weight and I have to wait it out.

Not due to illness but more as I was interested in it I take a baby reflexology class and actually learn how to soothe her sinuses reflex and boost immune systems and I've been doing this daily hoping it would help. I've been burning myrtle and sandlewood essential oils as these also are supposed to help. No improvement noticed instantly but it had only been a week so I'll stuck at it, can't hurt.

Half term still no improvement we go to London as we're taking part in a study at St Thomas hospital and they check her over too making sure she's well enough for the tests they do and again say virus nothing I can do.

Now her eyes are all snotty I'm starting to get a tad annoyed with this virus and wish it would leave :(

Up to now Molly sleep hasn't really been too affected at night but as I'm writing this cuddling her upright after having to wipe snot away so she can breathe easily it's now affecting sleep not just for her but me too as I'm listening to her breathing all the time.

The virus actually seems to be clearing up she's not as wheezy but the snot has taken her over again. It's in her eyes and clearly in her nose and she's struggling with feeding at times. I know what drs are going to say so no point going back they can't cure virus and colds. So I think time to approach a homeopath. We also did this for Sophie and it worked well so hope it can help Molly but hope it doesn't cost a fortune in process but I'd quite like my baby to be well she's 17 weeks old and it's not actually fair now :(

Mollys Entrance into the world

Sunday 30th October one day overdue. I had been joking all week about being in the shops and my waters breaking and was the myth about getting your trolley of shopping for free but would be absolutely mortified if this happened but we decide to brave it not expecting it to ever happen. We wonder off to the shops for some bits and pieces. Luckily no massive gushes in sainsburys didn't want to hear over tannoy cleaner to aisle 2 for spillage!

We get home and I say to hubby jokingly I feel like Ive wet myself but don't think anymore of it and so Hubby goes out to look for fireworks for the party at my mums in a few days and I go to the loo.

 I see fresh blood and panic a little, I always think blood is a bad bad sign so think its time to call the hospital, midwife questions me and  reckons that its my waters breaking  for us to come in. So call mum and tell her she needs to do some emergency babysitting.

We take Sophie to my mums house and then go along to the hospital, I feel fine no pain no contractions so concerned as to if this blood is just waters, never thought there would be blood if waters gone but baby's still moving so know shes ok.

Once at the hospital I'm examined and the midwife thinks that Ive definitely lost my waters and am actually 2cm dilated and having contractions but as were laughing and joking about I'm sent home, to have a bath relax and if nothing starts I'm told to come back in for midday the next day for an induction.  So off we go.... seems to be a pattern to my hospital visits and labour but this feels so very different to the last time I'm reassured except by the size of my bump, I'm massive and with waters going it doesn't seem to be decreasing so wondering now if this is actually all baby and if it is this may smart a little!!!!!

We go back to my mums house to check in with Sophie and decide that the best option is leave Sophie there in case of any mad dashes to the hospital in the middle of the night.  I have a cuppa and then we make our way back home.

Back at home I make sure everything is ready to go, my phones charged so I can read tweets keep me occupied. I sit on my exercise ball with telly remote and drink all to hand and try to get the labour to go up a gear by bouncing away whilst watching TOWIE and other rubbish Id not got round to. Husband goes to bed for some rest so that he can stay awake with me this time!

I'm alot more calmer I know what to expect and start to get excited about meeting baby, Id said all along that I was due the end of October rather than giving a date and also how I didn't really want to give birth on Halloween due to never being allowed to take that day off work if I was due to work as it was such a busy day so sods law dictates that the baby is so going to be born on Halloween.

Ive watched all the rubbish on telly and its now 1am, time to go to bed get some rest, the pain is ok and I learnt the hard way the last time.

2am I'm awake, in agony so I come downstairs and start to time the contractions, they're coming every 3/4 mins so I call the hospital again and they tell me to come in.  I wake the husband up and off we go again praying that I'm not going to be sent home again.

At the waiting room in the hospital I'm gripping onto the husband to work through the contractions and finally they call my name and I'm taken into a delivery suite. There the midwife examines me and I could have kissed her as I was 5cm and could stay no going home this time, and I get on the gas and air.  I don't really feel any a
effect from this and as it provides no relief as such and I ask for an epidural, Ive had it before and know its not as bad as I once feared, I'm not good with pain Ive decided Ive done kidney stones and gall stones but birth and no drugs I'm a pansy.

4am I get the epidural in and listen to the heartbeat on the monitor for a little bit. So reassuring and baby seems happy enough working her way out and I'm able to rest up have a little something to eat and drink and save energy for the work ahead.

Shift change over and I get a lovely midwife and a trainee who then examine me and concur that I'm good to go, they will give me 45 mins as apparently is the done thing with epidural and then we start the pushing.

This whole experience so far has been so different to Sophie's, mainly that baby isn't back to back and shes engaged and ready to go. I'm calm, hubby's had some rest and now on Halloween I was going to meet my baby.

So I remember the midwife form the first time round to tell me to push like I was having a poo and so with this in mind this is what I did, pushed every time I had a contraction. As I was about to start pushing the other midwife that came in to assist was the same midwife that examined me the day before when my waters had gone and it was nice to see a friendly face of sorts.

I pushed and pushed as I was told and paused when I was told and out came your head, it was surreal I couldn't feel any pain but had the sensation of it which was all that I wanted first time round. The 2nd midwife then started to tell me I had to push and she said it in such a way I knew I HAD to push I didn't want intervention again so I pushed with everything I had left. The shoulder was stuck and she was stuck for a little bit longer than they would have liked but once the baby was out it was evident why it was a bit trickier than first thought.

Monday 31st October 2011 10lb9oz 1036am Molly May was born, calmly no fuss just a little bit purple/blue looking from where she got stuck and very long.

I got skin to skin contact and tried to feed straight away it was all that I wanted and would have liked first time but as this was going to be the last time I was glad to end on such a good experience.

I waited for the Dr to come in and check me over as I had torn and I came over very ill, only to be described as like a migraine and I was waiting for a long time to him to come back for the stitching up process and I felt awful, i wasn't allowed to eat. Once they had decided the Dr wasn't coming back the midwife who had assisted and checked me firstly sewed me up.  After that I was given clean sheets and left alone with hubby and Molly for a bit to bond but felt so ill had to leave Molly in the cot but suddenly the urge came over me to be sick and was desperately looking for the little sick bowls which hubby was fumbling with to get one out of the stack, cant do it so passes the whole stack but too late the nice fresh sheets are not so fresh anymore but I feel sooo much better. I call the midwife to confess my little mishap and am sent off for a shower with hubby watching me whilst they looked after Molly and then once freshened up i feel even better and then waited to be taken up to the ward whilst Molly slept soundly and we started to tell everyone about the birth.

I was taken to the ward and waited for Sophie and Mum to come and meet the new addition to our now complete family. Sophie was thankfully ok with this new bundle as she had got a new Woody doll from Molly so it eased the pain of not being the apple of everyones eye for now.

The next few days again was a blur of feeding and suckling until milk came in, visitors and lots of Sophie being  extremely pleased with her new little sister.

We were now an perfect family with two beautiful girls xx

Sophies entrance into the world

5am I wake with a start, was that a contraction?
Labour had been threatening for a few days and was this everything moving up a gear? Another contraction, yep that's labour wow I'm going to meet my baby finally after 9 months shes going to be here I'm going to be a mummy.

To excited to go back to sleep I stare out the window at the trains going by all the commuters going about their daily business whilst we were about to go from a couple to a family at last.  I wonder into the babies room all set up and cant quite believe this is it.

So by 9am Ive buckled in and got my mum round, my thoughts of having this baby with just me and the husband present and then telling everyone afterwards have gone out the window I'm in too much pain I need my mummy.

Hubby's returned home from work and were off to the Hospital, I'm in agony getting into the car is not easy and sitting still for the journey isn't easy but I figure that contracting every 5 Min's with 2 contractions at a time I should be fairly far along and be seeing baby soon....

WRONG

Baby's back to back, I'm only 2 cms and I'm sent home to progress as the hospital is heaving and no room for me to hang about, I'm given a sweep which isn't the nicest sensation in the world but being told that it speeds me up I put up with it.  So we go back to my mums house as its closer to the hospital and she has the biggest bath in the world and I'm thinking it will help me along with the tens, obviously not in the bath though.

I stay at mums until 4pm when I'm still going 2 at a time and every 5 mins and I'm struggling, so the hospital tell me to come in again and see how far along I am, its been 12 hours nearly so I'm hopeful were nearly there.

WRONG

still only 2cm along, we've got no where since this morning, this is so disheartening to be sent home again. This time we go back to my house and hubby and mum get themselves some food and rest as I think its going to be a long night.

9pm, I cant go on, no let up, no rest I haven't been able to sit still Ive been walking about trying to keep labour going, Ive not eaten and I'm flagging, so off we go again to the hospital.

I'm examined and finally 4cm and they admit me, there a bit too much blood for their liking after the sweep and they want to monitor baby for a little bit just make sure shes ok.
She also suggests an epidural, this was something I didn't want the thought of a great big needle in my back is not something I'm comfortable with it also doesn't fit with my dreams Id been having of no pain relief and a relaxing water birth, but being honest with myself the relief of the drugs will provide me with a welcome break from this pain that Ive had since 5am that morning.

Epidural is in, feels like a hot water bottle on my back and the pain slowly starts to fade and I become me again, I can relax a little, the baby seems happy enough but not engaging fully and the labour is starting to slow. They add something to my drip to speed up the labour and mum and hubby cat nap where they can to get some rest whilst I sit there and wait.

Dr's come and go and with the midwife they conclude that I'm likely to need some intervention with pushing.  I sign the form in case of C-section and wait again.

Shift change over for midwives and the new one comes in and informs me were going to start pushing in a bit and see if we can get this baby out, I push and shes not coming out so off to theatre we go for forceps.

Wheeled down the corridor hubby waits back in the room getting himself ready in his scrubs a nice green outfit for him to wear, I'm given a spinal block and prepared in case of C-section. Hubby joins me and the pushing begins...

I push they pull I push they pull, the process repeats for an hour or so and the lady Dr is so determined to get you out that at 1.36pm your finally born.

Thursday 10 July 2008 1.36pm 8lb5oz Sophie Mai is born, your a bit bruised and battered and not particularly happy and you show this by having a poo inside me.

Baby is checked over and everything is fine, I'm a little bit torn as well as being cut so they do some lovely needlework on me whilst me and daddy stare at you and decide what we are going to call you.

Not sure how long but were taken to the recovery ward, I'm hoping for some tea and toast that everyone tells me you get after giving birth, but nothing. I start to shake as all the drugs wear off and I stare at you. A midwife approaches and asks if Ive fed you yet, I reply no don't have a clue where to start with it to be fair but instead of let me help show you etc I get well you've probably missed the boat there then, put her next to your skin and then she saunters off. I'm alone as hubby and mum have gone home to get changed and some food and I cant quite believe it. After another shift change over I get a nice midwife who helps me get showered and up onto the ward where I finally at 10pm feed you. 

Not much sleep that night but I keep trying to feed you and get some rest, bit difficult when we both finally drop off but one of the other babies in the ward starts.

We get to go home on the Saturday as baby has  got jaundice and bruised and battered and my blood iron is low so they want to keep an eye on us for a bit. I was glad to get home it was great I had some flowers and balloons greeting me and to my bed.

The next few days were a blur of no sleep, baby permanently stuck to my boob and visitors. She lost a bit more weight than they would have liked and had developed jaundice and my milk took forever to come but we managed until it was time for hubby to go back to work and then the fun really began.

now we were a family.....



PS I didn't miss the boat I breast fed for 7 months !